{"id":4504,"date":"2018-04-01T11:07:18","date_gmt":"2018-04-01T16:07:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/retromaggedon.com\/?page_id=4504"},"modified":"2021-09-15T05:14:06","modified_gmt":"2021-09-15T10:14:06","slug":"alone-in-the-dark-2005-review","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/retromaggedon.com\/index.php\/movie-reviews\/alone-in-the-dark-2005-review\/","title":{"rendered":"Alone in the Dark (2005) Review"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Alone in the Dark (2005)<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n\n\n\n

~Review by Grawlix (April 2018)<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Score: D+<\/b><\/p>\n\n\n\n

   I\u2019m only three movies into the odd netherworld that is Uwe Boll\u2019s catalogue, and already I\u2019m noticing some trends. I have this theory that instead of writing a script and then casting based on appropriateness to the rolls, Boll casts actors first, the biggest names he can afford, and then works outward from there. For <\/span>Alone in the Dark<\/span><\/i>, one of these names was Tara Reid, cast as an assistant museum curator, which inspired much mirth at the time. Now, I, personally, am of the opinion that the idea of miscasting roles is invoked a little too liberally in film criticism. Sure, I can imagine an egregious hypothetical example, like, say, if Michael Cera was cast as Morgan Freeman\u2019s brother or something, but just because a casting decision might look a little weird on the surface, doesn\u2019t mean the actor shouldn\u2019t have the opportunity to prove their doubters wrong. Idris Elba turned out to be perfectly adequate as Heimdall in the <\/span>Thor<\/span><\/i> movies, for example, and Frank Langella was nominated for an academy award for playing Richard Nixon despite the near universal observation that he didn\u2019t really look like him.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

   But enough about good cinema. The point is, I\u2019m not going to knock <\/span>Alone in the Dark<\/span><\/i> solely for the baggage Reid, as a person, brings to her role. I was perfectly willing to accept her as a brainy museum curator if she proved capable in the role. …She didn\u2019t, though. Let it be known that I honestly wanted to be wrong, but there\u2019s just something about her line readings that make her either sound bored, or in complete non-comprehension of what she\u2019s saying. I guess being hungover can\u2019t be ruled out either.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

   It\u2019s hard, I know, to imagine that a single actor\u2019s performance can diminish an Uwe Boll movie, but honestly, the other recognizable names in the cast, Christian Slater and Stephen Dorff, don\u2019t come off too badly. Christian Slater plays Edward Carnby, a paranormal investigator and former member of an elite government anti-supernatural threat squad. Stephen Dorff is the new commander of said squad. The two of them come into conflict over a threat tied to ancient relics that Carnby is investigating, apparently capable of opening a gateway to an alternate dimension wherein lives a race of darkness-dwelling creatures hungering to cross over and feast on humanity. My experience with the Alone in the Dark games ends with the third installment so I can say with certainty that this has nothing to do with the series up to that point, though whether the story is referencing any of the subsequent games, I don\u2019t know. To my mind the movie seemed to be inspired equally by <\/span>Aliens<\/span><\/i> and the (highly underrated, in my opinion) 1997 thriller <\/span>The Relic<\/span><\/i>. But, as usual, this suggests far more cohesion than <\/span>Alone in the Dark<\/span><\/i> actually displays.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

   This is another trend I\u2019ve noticed in Boll\u2019s movies: the man clearly loves action. I daresay he loves it a little too much. Boll seems dominated by this compulsion to stuff action elements into his movies based on how cool they sound without regard to how (or, indeed, if) they serve the greater narrative. Of the three Boll movies I\u2019ve watched, two featured swordplay, and all three worked in a martial arts fight scene. Now, I love martial arts fight scenes. I have watched literally hundreds of martial arts movies. But if you\u2019re going to stick one into an action\/horror movie, you\u2019d best be prepared to carry that approach through the whole flick. <\/span>Alone in the Dark<\/span><\/i> does not do this. The film begins with Carnby punching and kicking his way past a would-be assassin. There\u2019s some business about unspecified \u201cpowers\u201d or \u201cenhancements\u201d but neither is referenced in any meaningful way ever again. Same with the weapons used to combat the darkness creatures. There\u2019s an entire scene devoted to explaining the technology and, one assumes, limitations of the armaments used by the government squad. You\u2019d think this might come into play at some point too, but nope, never does.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

   Probably the worst sin <\/span>Alone in the Dark<\/span><\/i> commits is repeatedly electing to tell, rather than show. The movie opens with a scrolling text narration so long that it makes the <\/span>Star Wars<\/span><\/i> opening crawl look like it came from a fortune cookie. Additional bits of voice over exposition intersperse the film. Most of these involve an ancient civilization that encountered the shadow creatures years before. It might\u2019ve been an interesting part of the story if it was actually developed to any degree, but apparently doing so would\u2019ve cut into the gunplay too much. Honestly, Boll\u2019s lopsided interest in the action over plot and characterization is so glaring that I wonder how it is that he never got into directing music videos. Such an endeavor would be vastly more suited to his skill set.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

   So, here I am again. Is <\/span>Alone in the Dark<\/span><\/i> a good film? Absolutely not. But is it one of the worst ever made? Eh, I don\u2019t know. I\u2019d definitely rate it higher than <\/span>House of the Dead<\/span><\/i>. The action is more polished, for one thing. Two thirds of the top billed cast are solid, so, perhaps in spite of itself, there are some kind-of developed characters that one can almost care about. Plus, I have to give it sympathy points for using Nightwish in the soundtrack. If nothing else, it\u2019s encouraging to see Boll developing in the right direction, but at this rate I suspect it\u2019ll still be many movies before he produces one that anyone could unequivocally call good.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Final Score: D+<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The mere absence of failure is not success, and <\/span>Alone in the Dark<\/span><\/i> is Exhibit: A. I don\u2019t regret watching it, but I\u2019m sure not going out of my way to see it again.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trailer<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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